When I was 18, I decided that I didn’t want to be a Muslim anymore. From that point, I knew that my life was in danger, because apostasy is a crime punishable by death in Saudi Arabia. As a result, I always felt afraid. Then, when I was 22, I got kicked out of uni because my grades were terrible. I was actually suffering from mental illness at that time. Although I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, I wasn’t diagnosed with bipolar disorder, or with obsessive compulsive disorder, or with chronic insomnia, all of which I suffer from. They only gave me a drug which caused a psychosomatic disorder in my body. It was absolutely terrible.
When I got kicked out of school, my father told me to either find a job or get out of his house, and my uncle got me a job at a company which specialises in air conditioners. Then one day, my sister told me there was an Australian university expo on. I didn’t have much hope, but I went and applied, and a month later, I received acceptance letters from 2 universities, which I gave to my parents. I didn’t expect them to allow me to go, but a couple of weeks later, my Dad sat me down and said, ‘Look, your mother will not allow me to sleep at night if I don’t let you go. So here’s my plan. We’re going to fund you until you get the King Abdulla Scholarship and I have two conditions. You need to save up your money for your visa and for your ticket out of here.’ Of course, I was elated.
Unfortuately, the week before I arrived in Australia, I slept only around 10 or 15 hours. So when I arrived, and started my studies, I was already manic and heavily sleep deprived. Then, I went from manic to suicidal in a week. It wasn’t a downward spiral either. It was just manic, manic, manic, suicidal. Luckily, my English teacher saw that I was falling asleep in class and guided me to get my mental health assessed by a counsellor, who referred me to a psychiatrist. I actually became critical at one point to the point where they were trying to put me into the Royal Brisbane Hospital.
That’s actually the reason I got one of my tattoos – so I don’t harm myself. I used to self harm with razors, and one day I was sitting there scraping a knife against my upper arm and I thought to myself, ‘Look, instead of cutting yourself and living with the scar if you live, you might as well get something that you like.’
In 2014, my mother came to visit me, and I told her I wasn’t a Muslim anymore and that I wanted to seek refuge in Australia. Then she said two things. The first thing was that they were cutting me out of their will, because only Muslims can inherit from other Muslims, and the second thing she told me was, ‘If you seek refuge in Australia, we’re going to disown you as our son.’ I didn’t know if she was serious or if she was trying to intimidate me back into Islam. Regardless, I was devastated.
My grades were getting worse and worse, and I knew that my scholarship would get cut. I couldn’t go back to Saudi Arabia, and I didn’t have any money to apply for legal help to stay here. So I decided that I was going to commit suicide. Then, a friend of a friend referred me to an organisation called RAILS (Refugee and Immigration Legal Service), and thankfully they took my case up.
My brother’s the only one from my family who talks to me now, but he’s been very supportive. I’ve also had a lot of help here from some great friends, which I am very grateful for. I am also very grateful to the Australian health system for the support I have been provided with for my mental health, which is much better now that I’ve been diagnosed correctly.
I would just like to finish by saying to my fellow refugees – don’t give up. And if you’re suffering from mental illness, please tell someone. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help.
Veez
Saudi Arabia
Arrived 2012
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You are so very brave and an inspiration , thank you for sharing your story. I wish all the very best.
I’m glad you have settled here Veez and are headed in the right direction. Good on you! Good luck to you in your future
You certainly are brave – a warrior – and you will be ok no matter what path you choose. Stay safe.
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you are able to find stability and peace here in Australia
you’re amazing. keep going, one day at a time. Australia needs great people like you. I’m sure you will save many others with your story.
Brave, amazing, think of all these positive words – they seem to sum you up! Good luck in Australia – we are glad you are here!
It’s brave to seek help. Thank you for sharing your story.
So glad you got to utilise the facilities available….there is always someone to help, never forget that. You are important & valued & I am sure you will make a difference. All the best with your future. <3
You were ill and have been helped, you have friends now so stay well and make yourself a home.
To have done what you have done takes such courage and strength. We are glad you are here!
Australia is better because you are here. Thank you for sharing and best of luck. Your bravery really shines through in every paragraph of this post.
A lovely story, so pleased you have found a home for yourself in Australia.
What a journey you have walked! Good on you for being brave enough to make choices that have allowed you to live an authentic life. All the best for the future xx
Hi Veez, please feel free to reach out if you need anything or anyone to talk to. I moved from Kuwait to Australia and went through the same mental health struggle.
So brace! Keep up the fight. And thank you for sharing.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Thank you for sharing your story, some people who are born here don’t realise how good we have it.
Dear Veez, you are amazingly strong to keep going with all that on you. It’s so difficult to leave a religion even without everything else that’s happened to you. Good on you for doing what is right for you. Australia has plenty of room for you 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story, you are wonderful, don’t give up! ????
I’d like to say that I’m blessed to know you Veez and it’s really good to see the people here showing their support
This is the kind of refugee I would like to see made more welcome.
Wishing you continued good health and a bright future in Australia :))
With so much positive responses to your story how could you not become successful in your dreams of a new life in Australia God bless you and keep you safe.
Veez, you are not alone. You made your choices, although with some painful stages, I am sure u are on your own path x
Such an amazing story. Will.pray that we in Australia continue to support you and all the other refugees in desperate help. Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you for sharing this story. It would be useful to add the lifeline phone number after the story for people who find this triggering.