In Punjab, it was normal for girls to be married at 18, but I wasn’t ready for it. One day, I came home from college at noon, and by 5 o’clock the same day I was married. That was a huge shock for me.
I don’t know why my parents gave me away. It was the tradition at that time, and they believed he was a good man. Also, he was going to England, and they thought it would be good for me to get an education there. But I never wanted to go and live overseas. My dream was always to study law in India like my mum, who was actually the equivalent of a magistrate.
We spent 4 years in England before coming to Australia. It was very challenging for me here. My ex and his family treated me like a slave. They wouldn’t let me go out and I was just a housemaid for everybody – they actually even introduced me as a housemaid when guests visited. When I couldn’t get things done, they used to kick me, and over the years I was bashed, bruised and burnt. One day, my ex-husband even scarred me with a kitchen knife. They all also constantly taunted me, and those words destroyed every bit of confidence I had once had. It was like a kind of living hell for me.
Every day I thought about leaving him, but I didn’t have the courage. I had no job, and later I had my young children to think about. And I couldn’t speak the language, as I was only allowed to meet with other people who spoke the Punjabi language. My husband didn’t want me to learn English. He used to rip up my books if he saw me trying to learn. He didn’t want me to grow in any way. I also had no phone and, as a result, I lost contact with my family from time to time when I needed them the most, as he wouldn’t let me call them and tell them the horrors I was going through. I didn’t even have a TV to stay in touch with the outside world.
Eventually, I started learning and improving my English through books I secretly stored in the toilet. I also slowly made some friends. Next, I started studying a Bachelor of Nursing. When he was at work, I used to tell him that I was just going out with friends but I would actually go to university. At exam time, I would sneak out when he was sleeping and go to my friend’s house to learn Maths. Then I would come home at 3 or 4 am and go back to bed.
Finally, he did find out, so I couldn’t finish the course. He bashed me so badly. At that time, my second daughter had just been born and he was also angry because I couldn’t give him a son, so he locked me for a few days in the toilet. Pretty much the whole time I was with him was a nightmare.
4 years ago, he bashed me very badly and actually kicked me out of the house. Then he took everything – my two girls, the money, the car, and went back to India. I was left with nothing. I was on the street, and I didn’t know where to get help as it was the Christmas holidays and everything was shut down. Luckily, my next door neighbour came to my rescue, and let me stay at their house.
At that time, I made a promise to myself to turn my life around. So I went back to my Nursing degree, and enrolled myself in multiple courses including the Victoria Leadership Program, the Lifeline Counselling program, and family/domestic violence prevention training. I also started working in the court system as a volunteer, and became a White Ribbon advocate to raise awareness in community for violence against women.
I now work for the Department of Human Services helping kids with challenging behaviour. And I’m in my second year of law school, finally realising my childhood dream of being a lawyer. I’m also serving as Deputy Chair of the Albury Wodonga Ethnic Community Council, and as an advisory board member for a number of organisations including the Albury Wodonga Family violence prevention committee. Last year, I was very proud when I was awarded the Bravery Award from the Victoria leadership program.
Now it’s my mission to spread awareness about the prevention of family/domestic violence and to build safe living conditions for our girls and women. I want all women to understand we have a voice and we have the right to speak out. Together we all can create a strong sisterhood against violence.
Although my daughters are now back in Australia, I still can't see them. Hopefully, I will have them back soon. And when they come, I want them to see me as a strong mother. I want them to be proud to say, ‘She is my mother.’
Rupinder
India
Arrived 2007
Photographer: In 2 Photography – Photography by Kerry Devereaux
If you are experiencing domestic violence, please visit www.1800respect.org.au
#migrant #India #Australia #Albury #Wodonga #domesticviolence #safety4survivors #vetoviolence
Wow brave determined lady – I hope your girls come to you and see the life you have built and the good you are doing for so many others – Thankyou ????
Does she need legal assistance to get access to her children? It doesn’t sound like they are in a safe place. Can we set up a go fund me to assist her?
I can’t even get my head around the obstacles you’ve had to face. I want to help so much, you sound like you have enough determination I wouldn’t even know where to begin!
Thank you for inspiring others and speaking out ????
How could they not be proud? Australia needs women like you. Be proud of all you have done so far. You are a bright beacon for all women who suffer as you did. Continue to shine.
I have a little saying I put in one of my books: “only a house that been knocked down knows how to build itself stronger.” Thank you for being here and adding your strength to our community xxx
You Ripinder are a hero and I salute you. I wish you all good things but mostly that you are reunited with your daughters and they get to know what a fantastic, strong, determined, intelligent and resilient role model you are. Bravo you.
You are an incredible, strong, courageous, smart woman. May your life be filled with peace going forward. All the very best. ????
❤ What an amazing story! Thank you for sharing your story and giving other women the hope that there is a way out of domestic violence. I wish you all the very best in your future endeavours ????????
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. You are such a brilliant role model. How you’ve picked yourself up and now make a difference to children’s lives. Wow, remarkable!!! So hopeful for those who identify with you. Everyone can overcome!!! Many blessings ❤️
Resistance is everything and after all that you’re still standing, which is incredible and unbelievable. You’re amazing ❤️❤️❤️ Rupinder, women need you.
Thank you for sharing your story Rupinder. You are a brave, courageous, intelligent and strong woman. I’m proud of you, and your children will be too. We are lucky to have you in Australia
Rupinder, the world is so much better with someone like you. I hope from this point on you achieve your dreams and enjoy life as you deserve. I hope you will reunite with your children. They will be so proud of their mama. I hope one day I can meet you in person and give you a big big hug x
Rupinder, your story, hard to know what to say. You are so strong, good on you. You truly are one gutsy lady. Best wishes to you and your daughters for a beautiful reconnection xo Big hugs xo
Wishing you peace and happiness for your future. You have the strength to achieve whatever you wish to achieve and no one will ever take away your dreams and hopes again! All power to you.
What an awful and traumatic thing to have to suffer through… but you stayed true to yourself and found strength in learning. What an inspiration you are to achieve so much under such strenuous conditions. Australia is so very lucky to have you, I hope you are reunited with your girls soon… I guarantee they will be proud because you are AMAZING!
What a heartbreaking life you had! So proud of the inspiration you have become! I pray you are reunited with your daughters very soon. No doubt they will be so proud of u!
Wow. There isn’t anyone who meets you or reads your story that will have anything but the utmost respect for you. Your daughters are certainly lucky to have a strong intelligent vibrant warrior mother.
Rupinder, thank you for sharing your story with us – you have so many friends here sending you strength and the best of wishes. Your daughters will be with you soon. What an incredible inspiration you are to all of us!!
It makes me so sad to read this story. I can only praise you for your courage, determination and strength. Thank you for helping others in a similar situation. You are truly inspirational ????
Oh wow! You are one amazing and resilient woman. I can’t imagine the hell you have been through and conquered. I hope you are reunited with your daughters very soon and that you now have a good support network.
Rupinder, your strength is truly inspiring and thank you for sharing your harrowing journey publicly. I hope you can be reunited with your children ❤
I also noticed that what happened to you appeared to be a forced marriage. Forced marriages are illegal in Australia, here’s some more info for interested readers:
https://www.homeaffairs.gov.au/about/crime/human-trafficking/forced-marriage
Rupinder thank you for being brave enough to share your story. You have been through so much and are now wanting to help and support others and raise awareness about domestic violence. You are an inspiration. I pray that one day soon you will be reunited with your children.
Rupinder thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you didn’t get to finish your nursing degree, I am a nurse and I know our profession would have benefited from you. I’m sorry you had to ordeal such tragedy . I pray you are reunited with your daughters and believe me when you are they will be proud when they hear your story. I wish you all the best and thank you for all you do.
I felt so proud of u brave lady…hats off…wenever I read this kinda experience of anyone..I feel very sad and think does such bad people exist in this world who treat other with such level of cruelty…
What an amazing story of strength, resilience and persistence. And of the glorious freedom education brings to women. I sincerely hope you are able to get custody of your daughters soon, as you would be such an incredible role model for them. Kat Bennett, I’m sure you know this incredible woman?!
Thanks for sharing your story. This will give hope to other women who goes through similar experience.Strong determination and will power can change your life and you are a true example of that. Hats off to you . Your daughters will be proud of you. I wish you all the best of fortune in your future endeavours.
What a wonderful life you have created for yourself and hopefully , soon for your daughters. Thank you for all you do to stop women being harmed by their partners.
Wishing you all the happiness you deserve in the future Ripinder. I hope you are reunited with your girls soon and they can see what a strong mum you are ????
I was going to tag this with a sad but changed to Wow instead. Rupinder your story is full of awful and devastating events but throughout it you have demonstrated an amazing strength and resilience. ❤️
Wow what an ordeal you have been through and I am glad you are out of that violent situation. What makes me sad is there are probably others like you still living the nightmare unable to escape – I pray I am wrong but I fear I am not????
What a fabulous role model to your daughters, and to our community. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you are reunited with your loved ones soon.
Oh lovely! Thank you for sharing your story. You are such a resilient, resourceful and strong woman!
I am so proud of you!
Thank you also for all the wonderful work you are doing to make the world a better place for other women and children.
I want to give you a hug and have a cuppa with you. You my dear, are a Phoenix. You have risen from the flames. I hope your girls are both physically and emotionally well and are returned to your loving arms.
I wish you every success and I hope your daughters find out what a clever strong amazing woman they have for a Mum. I hope you are happy you so deserve to be.
Rupinder you have my utmost respect and admiration. I am so sorry for the harm done to you and hope your future is full of love and respect
Read more inspiring stories in the New Humans of Australia coffee table book: https://www.newhumansofaustralia.org/store
You are amazing! Like a phoenix that rises from the ashes, you have come out of the terrible life you were subjected to and accomplished so much! Your girls, and your family, will absolutely be proud of you – I’m proud of you! You are so inspiring, thank you for sharing your story and spreading awareness, I wish you a wonderful happy life ????
All the best with your studies. You will be an excellent lawyer. Yes we have a voice and yours is a very brave one in that sisterhood.
You Rupinder are a hero. As a woman, I am proud of you and your achievements and so will be your daughters. You are a proof that in your life you can meet people who can control you, abuse you but they can never crush your spirit. They can never touch your soul. More power to you and other brave women like you.
As sad as this story is, feel confident that you have given your daughters more than you can dream … you have given them the truth that they can survive and overcome huge loss & pain, hopefully one day they will thank you for it and see you for who you are. Brave. ♥️
I am very much pleased and thankful to all the commentators who hold my child in high esteem for her persistent efforts to be a voice of similarly situated humanity being a brave and determined lady. I am really indebed to all of u for your love regard and source of inspiration to my child
You are a awesome fighter who really fought for her own being in this world far away when no one was around you. I am proud of you roop god sees everything in our thick and thin you did great and will execute more valuables tasks in coming times. My best wishes always with you Rupinder kaur .
Congratulations on overcoming such huge problems and abuse.I hope your daughters didn’t have to endure the horrors you did.You are so strong and a great example to all women.Australia is a better place for having you here.
Well done rupinder i proud on u .also pray for you to god he will provide u more strength for fight with problems and get back ur kids to u as well …love u from the deepest core of my heart from today ….
I’m at a loss for words to express how I feel about the treatment you received at the hands of the man you were forced to Mary. My heart aches for you and what you had to endure????. BUT, I’m so proud of you and your strength to survive & make a new life for yourself, to value yourself and what you can do for others. THANK YOU & BLESS YOU, Rupinder. ????????????????????
What an amazing story!
I wish you a world of happiness and I hope you see your children soon. All the Best with your future studies. X❤️????
I am so proud of you Rupinder Kaur.Everything that happened to you, it shaped you into the person you are today.you are a true survivor.You are such an amazing,caring person and you gave so much back to community and still working for good cause.
Rupinder there are too many women abused like you were and too few who have the strength to recover in the way you have. I hope you are reunited with your daughters soon. They deserve to be cared for by someone as strong and decent as you.
A big thanks to New humans of Australia magazine for sharing my story, and I hope my story inspires others and give them the courage and strength to confront the evil of Family/domestic violence that they are going through, or are living in an abusive relationship and are leaving every day in the horrors of family/domestic violence.
A big thanks from bottom of my heart to every person who have given me the support and strength to stand up for my self and my safety.
A big thanks to every reader. I hope, me sharing my journey may render positive outcome for people who are fighting for there safety/survival.
Now I have my mission and vision to be the support for those who are in need and to Inspire others to unite and lets us all unit and take a stand against family/domestic violence.
#Familyviolance #domesticviolance #Whiteribbon # NewhumansofAustralia #India #Australia #familydomesticviolance #familydomesticviolance #Albury #Wodonga #vetoviolance #migrant #safety4survivors.new humans of australia
Rupinder Kaur ~ I’m almost speechless having read your story. I respect you and I’m so proud of you. May you continue to inspire people (both men and women affected by domestic violence) and empower them with your example. ????????❤
Dear Rupinder,
I am Cagdas. I have been in Australia for two months. I came here for studying English and today in our class my teacher recommended this web site which your story was on. After I read your inspiring story, I just wanted to write to you.
I was really impressed by your tenacity about turning your life around. This was amazing success story that I have ever heard. Actually there isn’t so much to write after all things you achieved before.
I know in every second lots of women face violence, unfortunately that is a fact. And we should never give up to fight against that like you.
I hope your daughters will be with you soon.